Since my last post, I have finished my Chocolate Raspberry Porter and have given it a most appropriate name: The Chuck Norris Raspberry Round House Kick to the Face. After adding more raspberries, chocolate, and maltodextrin to the secondary carboy I was satisfied with the product. It is at about 9.5% alcohol, and is a very refreshing tart beer. The carbonation level is extremely high resulting in a soda like mouth feel. The chocolate flavor is present in the after taste. Overall, the result is an aggressive tart beer that kicks you in the face with a refreshing soda like body.
About 2 weeks after bottling I noticed that the beer became extremely over carbonated, and foamed all over the place when opened. About 3 weeks after brewing, I rolled over in my bed to the pain of cutting my elbow on a piece of broken brown glass. I thought i smelt beer in the air. One of The Chuck Norris Raspberry Round House Kick to the Face beers had exploded in my room leaving shards of glass everywhere, and a very pleasant raspberry beer aroma.
About 3.5 weeks after bottling, I put a case of The Chuck Norris Raspberry Round House Kick to the Face in my car and brought it to sample with my coworkers. After about half the beer foamed out of the bottle I was able to sample it out. Many liked the tart kick and some did not. Overall I was happy with the acceptance of this aggressively tart raspberry beer. After the tasting I am driving home with 5 bottles left of The Chuck Norris Raspberry Round House Kick to the Face in my back seat. Exited about the new Jersey Shores episode on television I rush inside leaving the 5 beers in my car, in the 90 degree heat. ( Just kidding I don't watch Jersey Shores, but yes I left the beer in my hot car) About 20 minutes pass when I remember that I have The Chuck Norris Raspberry Round House Kick to the Face in my car. I am greeted by a overwhelming beer smell as I open the car door. One of the Kicks had exploded in my car spraying beer, and glass everywhere. I clean up my mess and proceed to carry the box of beers up the driveway. I stop at the front on the driveway to removed the 4, not broken, bottles from the beer soaked box. As I remove one it explodes in my hand with a sound similar to a small bomb. I had officially been Chuck Norris round house kicked to the face by this aggressively tart beer. Oh and yes I named the beer before this occurrence. With a bleeding ear lobe, and bleeding shin, I bow down to the monster I had created. Lets just be glad that I never gave the beer out to anyone.
Forever The Chuck Norris Raspberry Round House Kick to the Face will have a place in my heart. Now to creating a recipe that does not literally kick you in the face.
Fear Chuck Norris,
In Love,
JayHarp
When Chuck Norris drinks beer, the beer doesn't get him drunk. The beer gets Chuck-Noirrised.
ReplyDeleteYour favorite beer style is whatever Chuck Norris is drinking.
The human bitterness threshold is 100 IBU's. Unless you're Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris tastes as much bitterness as he wants.
In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.
If you have 5 beers and Chuck Norris has 5 beers, Chuck Norris has more beer than you.
Chuck Norris' favorite beer is Broken Glass.
Chuck Norris can roundhouse kick a glass bomber into a 6-pack...of cans!
Chuck Norris can boil wort in his bare hands.
Chuck Norris rejects Arrogant Bastard. It's just not worthy.
Chuck Norris brushes his teeth with DFH 120 IPA
Chuck Norris solved the shortage by growing hops from his beard.
Chuck Norris pisses 12 bottles of Dark lord a day. That is why it is so scarce. You have to fight him for it or steal it while he sleeps.
Chuck Norris can eat hops, barley, yeast, and water and piss Russian Imperial Stout in a matter of minutes.
Chuck Norris can open a bottle by looking at it.
Chuck Norris can leave a pint of beer on a table for days. If he WANTS it to stay cold and carbonated, it STAYS cold and carbonated.
Chuck Norris' Guinness is carbonated with nitroglycerin.
When Chuck Norris says he's buying a 6 pack for the game, he's talking about BARRELS.
Chuck Norris can roundhouse a 4-pack of DFH 90 Minute IPA into one bottle of 360 Minute IPA.
Anyone who pisses off Chuck Norris gets handed a Dead Guy Ale.
Chuck Norris thinks Avery Beast isn't hot enough.
Chuck Norris can force carbonate with a harsh glance.
Chuck Norris can ferment unfermentables.
Chuck Norris' table beer is made from the second washing of Charles Bronson.
Chuck Norris grinds his grain with his teeth, and boils the wort with his rage.
Everyone loved the first batch Chuck Norris brewed. Then he killed them all with a swift roundhouse kick. All went to heaven with no regrets.
Chuck Norris has no need for lauter tuns. The grains release the sugars out of fear.
Chuck Norris cellars all his beer in his beard.
Sam Adams Utopias is actually just Miller High Life tapped through a Randel filled with the beard trimmings of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris uses 120 minute IPA as a palet cleanser.
When Chuck Norris orders a beer, the beer pays him.
Chuck Norris is the only person to ever beat Andre the Giant in a drinking contest. And he did it by a two case margin.
When Chuck Norris pours a bottle conditioned beer into a glass, the yeast stays in the bottle out of fear.
Chuck doesn't use a bottle opener to open his bottles; he just bites the top of the bottle off (then chews AND eats the glass).